Tell me that this is a dream. Tell me that! I demand that it is a dream! Gonggong(grandpa) passed away on wed, 29 apr 09. I didn't see him for the last time. I was so looking forward to going to my popo's house this sun. Why didn't he wait longer? Wait for me and my brothers to see him for the last time?
Papa was kinda hoping popo not to call her during the weekdays cause he kinda expect that it won't be anything good. Papa msg me at around two to tell me that. Was in school then. Called dad to know the details and of course i cried. Stayed at popo's house these two days during the funeral.
There's just one thing I'm glad of: Gonggong passed away very peacefully. No illness or anything just peacefully but not in his sleep though. When i saw gonggong's face in the coffin, i broke out in tears. Popo and cousin too. Flashbacks of gongong buying me yakult, plain roti prata and then addin g it with sugar when he buys back, chicken leg noodles, bringing and fetching me from nursery and kindergarden, bringing me and my brothers to the playground, showering and cleaning me up when i'm young. Everything he did for me seems so yesterday.
Gonggong was a strong and healthy man. He's 82years old this year(based on chinese calender). He only stopped work 15 years ago when my bro was born. Papa asked him to quit so as to take care of me and my bro. So he's 67 when he's still working. Still strong all these years while me and my siblings are growing up until this one/two years when he's getting weak.
I found out the real reason for the scar below my chin. You guessed it right. Something to do with my gonggong. Popo said to my dad on the first/second night during the funeral. She was thinking about gonggong, all the things he did to his grandchildren and talked about my accident. Gonggong brought me to his house's void deck to play. I jumped from the stone table and cut the area below my chin. Bled alot and when my gonggong brought me upstair, popo scolded him for not taking care of me. Gonggong's reply to her was smth like i jumped down myself. Now i'm feeling guilty of letting gonggong get scolded because of me.
It's so sudden. The older i get, the harder i suffer when someone close is gone. I'm so so so so so so so so afraid my only popo will be gone too. I'm so afraid of that. She gave me a heart attack (literally) on the first night. She said she's having very piercing giddy spells and going to go soon. I was so afraid that i woke up from my then half asleep state. I don't want to lose her. I want her to see till i get married and have children. When she's a great-grandmother and get to shower and play with her great-grandchildren. Just like her mother when my great-grandma passed away when i'm one.
All these is freaking me out. Now i'm afraid of studying overseas. I'm so glad i passed my O lvl and studied in sg and not overseas if not i might not have saw my gonggong two weeks ago. I'm so fearful that something unpleasant might happen while i'm studying overseas. Even if i did decide to study overseas, i'll definitely come back frequently to visit my popo. Now come to think of it, i can't bear to leave being away from popo. Popo, stay strong. I still want to learn your cooking skills from you (:
Gonggong, bye bye. Stay happy in your after-life. Don't scare popo. We'll all miss you.
